I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
