I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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