lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
