well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
