She is in my trunk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize