How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
