end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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