You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
