You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
