I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
