Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
