oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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