Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
