did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When are your genitals available?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
