ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
