I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
