remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
