that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
