I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
