i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
