You work out of a Hotel?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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