I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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