if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
