You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I faked an abortion last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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