Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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