BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
