my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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