dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
