So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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