You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
