Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
