You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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