Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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