Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
