Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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