It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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