you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
