90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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