I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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