I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
