Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize