Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
