saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize