they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
God, I missed his penis.
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