It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
