I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
