white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
