Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
