: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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