I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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