highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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