I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
