And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Vodka?
Forever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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