either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
