I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize