I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
