I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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