i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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