The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize