I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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