She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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