Got a toothbrush?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
someone threw a dead crab at me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
