i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
