I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
