you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"it" just moved
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
