She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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