I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
